On one of the red walls of my kitchen is a painting of a rooster standing in front of a horse. The horse has its head down, eating grain, and the rooster is standing on its feed box, watching it. In the bottom of the painting is a signature of the artist and the year, "1970". My grandparents gave this to me a few years ago and it has two special meanings for me. I remember seeing it in my grandparents' farmhouse as a child and that comforts me; but it also has a spiritual significance. The spiritual lesson came, coincidentally, while my family and I were living in my grandparents' lakehouse during the construction of our current home. My grandparents were staying in a cabin in Wisconsin at the time.
Being a homeschooling mother of five children pretty much consumes one's day. It starts with, "Momma, I'm hungry", and ends with "Would you sing me a song?" There isn't much quiet time. After praying about this situation, the solution came to mind. Get up earlier. Yuck. I wanted to have quiet time with the Lord. I needed it. I can't tell you how many times I have read just the right passage, heard the perfect encouragement or correction in that Still Small Voice of God, or simply prayed in the nick of time. Most of the time, these experiences are the most profound in the wee hours of the morning. I've frequently sat in front of the window after a meeting with my Savior, snuggled in my prayer shawl, watching the sun rise, with tears running down my face; deeply moved and ready to take on the day with a new strength only God can give. But then there is that nice warm bed.
There are usually a couple kids in it. Baby number five, who also happens to be five years old, always manages to wiggle himself in between his parents at some point in the evening; and after Daddy leaves for work, the other two boys manage to take over his spot. This is one of those happy, lovely memories I shall always treasure. Each time that little one burrows his head into my armpit and those lanky, warm little legs flop on top of mine, I just don't want to move. I remember my two little girls doing the same thing only a few years ago. One daughter in each armpit; their little nightgowns tangled in mine. It was like a tranquilizer. When they were babies, they would fall asleep at my side, nursing. The thought of them growing up and the loss of that snuggle time makes me want to cry. But if I am going to be the Mama I want to be - I need that time with the Lord. If I am going to be the Mama He wants me to be....I gotta git out of that bed!
So I had missed a couple days. I chose snuggling over God time, but I was there this morning; Bible ready. John 18. Judas betrays Jesus and Peters denys Him: three times. I was shaking my head and my heart was breaking like it always does when I read these passages. Just hours before, Peter was making commitments to Jesus, "I will NEVER leave you!" Now, he is pretending he doesn't even know Him. The next thought that came to my mind was surely delivered by the Holy Spirit. He said simply, "There are many ways to deny Jesus." Uh oh. I had missed two meetings. I had slept during prayer time - just like the disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane. He didn't have to say anything else. The tears sprang into my eyes as the conviction hit home. Point made.
John 21, Jesus reinstates Peter. He asks him if he loves Him - three times. This is actually a very interesting conversation in the Greek. The first time the Lord asks Peter if he loves Him, he uses the word "agapao" (agape) which means to love much from the heart. Peter answers Him with the word, "filio", which basically means, I have affection for you. I love you like a friend. After each reply, the Lord commissions Peter with a pastoral ministry; "Feed My sheep." The third time, the Lord switches His term of love from "agapao" to "filio" "Do you filio Me?". (Okay, Peter, you're finally telling Me the truth. You were just boasting several passages ago that you would die for Me - and we saw what happened. Now you've learned something about yourself. You're not as passionate as you thought you were. You've learned to be careful. I'm okay with the fact that you don't love Me the way I love you yet. I just want the truth. But Peter. That's gonna change. There will come a day, Peter, when you will willingly die for Me. There will come a day, when you won't even feel worthy to die for Me. But for now, filio is enough. Feed My sheep anyway.....)
By the time the Lord asks Peter the third time if he filios Him, Peter is a mess. The Bible states, "He is grieved because the Lord asks him the third time........" Is it because Peter catches on that it is the third time like that rooster's crow, or is it because He changed His word to filio and Peter hates himself for having to use it? Perhaps Peter is moved by how Christ is willing to accept so little (filio love), when He has given so much more......So there I was, sobbing over this passage. I'm so much less than Peter - yet relating to his passion so deeply (real passion?) Wanting to give so much more - but wrapped up in this sleepy, indulgent flesh. Maybe if I had a rooster.....
The Song of Solomon compares the "Shulamite" or the bride of Solomon to a "filly" or a young mare (Song of Solomon 1:9). Most commentators agree that the bride in the Song of Solomon is the bride of Christ. If you know your Scriptures, you'll see references in there that make that obvious - but the passages are so romantic - so intimate - that most devout ones feel a little well, uncomfortable, about the whole thing. Kinda like Peter. (I, uh, filio You......) The Lord desires and seeks "agape". Marry Me love. Die for Me love. Love the unlovables for Me love. Forgive the unforgivables for Me love. And one of the most difficult: Overcome your sin for Me love.
The rooster in my painting is watching the filly. (Will she stop eating that grain and look at Me?) That's me, chomp chomp chomp......My rooster dishes are displayed in the curio. And if that weren't enough (I'm all about visual and auditory cues....), we have about twelve chickens in the backyard. And those biddies were pretty nasty to each other til the rooster showed up. He set the whole place straight. They eat when he tells them (but he always watches them while they eat first - noble rooster). He calls for them when we let them out to eat the bugs and when it is time to go back into the pen. And those ladies don't bicker anymore - not around the big boss. Mr. Rooster's call is a call to "Wake up!", "Pay attention!", "Look at me!", "Obey!"
There have been a couple mornings; Scott has left for work, and I start to consider.....Maybe I could just crawl into that bed for just a few more minutes.........
"COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!!!!!!!"
Okay. Maybe not.
I'm sitting at the table. Too preoccupied to be still and get some counsel from the Lord. I look up and see it. That rooster is staring at the filly. "Look at Me." I look down at my plate. There he is. "Focus, Jennifer. I'm here. I'm always here." "Yes, Lord. I love You too. And I know I can't feed Your lambs unless You feed me first. So I'm here. I'm up. I'm listening."
his name is Dr. Smith!
ReplyDeleteYou are the ONLY one who calls him that!
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