Teaching Our Children to Teach Series Part III: The Virtue of Patience Practiced Though Assessment

Sammy and I grade and discuss his Language test.  His planning notebook is in front of me.  

     I shared in an earlier post that my primary motivation for teaching my children how to teach was to equip them to pass their faith, values, knowledge, and skills successfully on to the next generation.  I do not know my grandchildren yet - but I know that I will love them and want them to honor God and be excellent in all things.  I have another motivation as well.  I desire for you to do the same so that we may build and strengthen the Kingdom of God through healthy, intelligent, and faithful family relationships and instruction as disciples of our shared Heavenly Father.
      I have learned so much over the last twenty-three years as both a public school teacher and as a homeschooling mother and I know full well the pitfalls that can so easily undermine us as we educate our children.
     I have already addressed the first two pitfalls in earlier posts:  a failure to establish a secure, stable, and consistent learning environment because of a distracted and absent teacher (mother); and a failure to spend time in prayer and in the Word to be refreshed and instructed by our Master Teacher.  I know these pitfalls only because I have experienced them personally.  I can better equip my children and you to avoid them if I reveal them beforehand. Learning from our mistakes is the point of my next topic: Assessment.
   

Harrison and I rework a geometry problem.  I also have Harrison's "Planning book" in front of me.  It is a simple, humble notebook with 180 dated and numbered boxes he drew with a ruler for each subject. He writes his assignments in the boxes himself and then highlights them with a blue highlighter when he is finished.  I initial each box as we go over an assignment.  They don't "count" unless they have been initialed by me. This keeps us both accountable.  He is not allowed to take a test until all boxes are initialed for that unit. When all 180 of his numbered boxes are signed off, he is finished with that subject for the year!

     Assessment is a fancy way of referring to "grading" your child's work. This important component of instruction has been abused, misused or neglected both in the public and private school systems as well as in the homeschooling community.  Assessment informs both the student and the teacher whether or not the information taught has been learned.  Our children need to not only experience assessment as a student, but learn to utilize it as a teacher.  Individuals like to be successful and "get things right", but the purpose of learning is to acquire something new. It is humbling the first time a new concept or skill is attempted because there is always the risk of failure. This process is difficult for the student because he is wrapped up in proud flesh and doesn't want to get things wrong; and it is difficult for the instructor because he is wrapped up in impatient flesh that really doesn't want to sit there and work through another problem.
     In a public or private school classroom, it is more challenging to meet the individual learning needs of each student.  Since these are institutional environments with up to hundreds of students and tens of teachers, it is not unusual for a learner to go year after year with a gap in fully understanding a specific concept.  This can occur because of a failure to recognize the problem or because of the lack of a willingness to sit down one-on-one and work the child through the material. There are remedial classes for those who are seriously behind, but this is usually not the case for the average student who simply "missed something" somewhere.  This is not always the teacher's fault. In an institution, there is a genuine lack of time, parental support and involvement, and consistent communication between multiple teachers over several years.
     It is also very likely that a parent may not even be aware that a learning gap has occurred.  Although standardized testing may reveal some gaps, most parents don't understand how to translate test scores and address a weakness.  The information is available to next year's teacher; but with a large class of students with a variety of needs and a plan for the year that must be fulfilled, who has time to go back to previous elementary concepts?
    The homeschooling parent, however, does have that luxury and should take full advantage of it!  Assessment is incomplete, however, if reteaching does not occur when a student does not master a concept.  Simply marking an answer wrong is not enough.  The student must have his faulty thinking corrected or a gap will occur.
    Most of the time, the purpose of a test is to identify whether or not a learner has information or a skill memorized when the period of instruction is completed.  If the test is truly a final assessment, then a child's failure also means that the teacher may have failed to recognize that her student needed more instruction or practice and was not ready for such an assessment. "Whoa!", you say.  You mean it is my fault if my kid fails a test? What if my student is lazy and unmotivated?  Is that my failure?  Not necessarily, but be aware that a teacher who gives a test knowing full well about her student's attitude problem has a different purpose for the test in mind. The purpose of a test given under those circumstances was not to assess but to punish - and that is a form of instruction - not an assessment.  I am not stating that administering tests as a wake up call is wrong - but what I am saying is that you need to call it what it is.
     Our Lord tests people who frequently fail.  We know the Lord is the perfect Teacher, so a failure can't always be the fault of the instructor. Sometimes a test is given to humble the student because he believed he was an expert when he was truly only a novice.  An assessment can be just as revealing to the student as it is to the teacher.  In the case of the Lord, He knows the results before the test is given, but we do not!  As for we human teachers, we also know that there should be consequences for lazy behavior; but students fail tests everyday in the public and private settings because the material simply was never mastered as a result of poor monitoring.  For a student who sincerely wishes to learn, that is a failure of the instructor or an unavoidable failure of the institutional method simply because of time constraints.  Sometimes an assessment method or its timing is just inappropriate and that is another reason for failure.  That again, is not the student's fault.  Don't be guilty of poor monitoring of your child's progress! Model to your child how monitoring works.

Emily grades her English page.  If she gets an answer incorrect and does not understand why, she gets me and we go over it together.  I reteach the concept if necessary.  Like Harrison, she also keeps records of her assignments.  Emily also writes a specific daily assignment sheet with all of her subjects for the day to keep her focused until her work is done.  Some of my kids need that and some do not.  I use the daily sheets for my two younger boys because I need them!  I also maintain the planning notebooks for my two younger boys because they are not ready for that responsibility yet.  

    Not all assessments are tests.  Not all assessments are written.  Each time my child demonstrates a skill and it is measured against a standard of some sort, my child as well as I are informed of his progress. I can assess whether or not my child can jump rope simply by watching him. If he or she is getting the answers wrong, or demonstrating a skill incorrectly, then we must discover the source of the problem and fix it.  THAT is where the real learning occurs! Each time my child gets an answer right, that means he or she already knew the material.  Learning occurs when my child's level of knowledge increases or improves and that is what I'm after!  Where there is no challenge, there is simply practice.  And that has value too.  Mothers, PLEASE sit with your child and go over his work carefully - especially before a test!
    Self-assessment is when a learner grades his/her own work.  There are times when that is perfectly appropriate - even more appropriate.   Two of my children are learning Algebra I and II through a video series.  The only work I grade is their tests.  It is more helpful and productive for them to use the solutions manual and check each step by themselves than for me to look at the final answer.  Self-assessing detailed, complicated work where the process is multi-stepped helps the learner catch exactly where he/she made a mistake. Self-assessment is also important in self-teaching.  
    In Galatians 5:22, the fruit of the Spirit is listed.  There you find the word "longsuffering" or as we call it today: patience.  As a homeschooling mother, my Lord teaches me patience and assesses my patience in this role.  It is not always easy to sit still and sound out words with a second grader, rework equations, or edit a paper again and again.  As my family and I work together, we are all under the tutelage of Christ, learning and practicing His ways in a great exercise of patience!

Hayden is teaching herself how to play the violin with the help of Youtube.

Harrison watches an algebra video before completing his assignment.  

Teaching Our Children How To Teach Series Part II : Learning From the Master

Teach:  To cause to know something
Presume:  To expect or assume with confidence
Merriam Webster

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.  
James 3:1

....Just as he (Jacob) crossed over Penuel the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip.
Genesis 32: 31

So, I had just finished my previous article about teaching our children to teach and how we must prepare our children to impart knowledge to others, when the Lord brought James 3:1 (above) to my mind.

sigh.

This happens to me.  A lot.  No, it is not necessarily a rebuke - although sometimes it is - when my Teacher does this with me.  It is a challenge. Something to think about - something on which to dig deeper.

     I have prayed about these articles.  In fact, I felt led to write this series, which, as a busy, homeschooling mother is not an easy thing to do.  I asked the Lord to lead me to the topics of His choice, and just as I was prepared to write about curriculum - He gave me the verse.  Yes, I have been learning from the Master, and today I want to talk to you about encouraging and leading your children to do the same - especially when it comes to teaching.

     I am a master too.  A master of presumption, that is.   My father was an elementary school principal and during the summers, "his" school was my playground.  When I finally entered elementary school at another location, I boldly entered the teachers' lounge on the first day to get myself a soda from the soda machine.  How dare those teachers chase me out of there!  Didn't they realize who I was?  Couldn't they tell I was one of them?  Two days after entering kindergarten, I announced to my mother that I wanted to quit because, "I already knew everything".  I had decided at the age of five that I wanted to be a school teacher and from that age onward I sat in class after class convinced that I could do it better than the one standing in front of me.
     In my twenties and thirties, I was a cute little thing dressed in a sharp suit, manicured nails, and a mic on my lapel; sharing my insights and strategies to others in my profession. Then, since that wasn't a large enough audience, I wrote articles on the subject as well.  I was also an avid distance runner who sought the runner's high and a perfect body.  I was the iconic American career woman applauded by her worldly peers.
      At the age of thirty, I was training with the Leukemia Society for a marathon.  During a sixteen mile training run, I fell to the ground with a pulled hamstring.  This came on the heels of just recently abandoning my teaching career (after the birth of my second child).  Now I had to pull out of a marathon.  I was also still recovering from the divorce of my parents after over thirty years of marriage.  I had lost my identity and my world of perfection was falling apart. I needed a Savior - badly.
     Immediately after my salvation, I became consumed in a busy church.  The leaders knew I was an experienced, certified teacher, so I was given the assignment of Sunday school teacher.  True, I hadn't read the Bible yet - but I was just so dynamic and well, confident - surely the Lord must have wanted me to lead His little ones.... and then the women.....  and then, yes, even the men.  I led ministries and workshops during that first year all under the presumption that that was what the Lord wanted me to do because I was just so good at it. :) In fact, many of the "ministries" that so desperately needed workers were themselves birthed from presumptions that they were actually necessary and part of the Lord's plan.  It seems to be human nature to identify a need and then feel "led" to design a program around it. I've learned over the years that when the Lord reveals the need(s) of another person or even several persons, He isn't calling me to pioneer a program, He is usually just encouraging me to be a friend.  Sometimes He is also revealing a trend of the enemy against the church that needs a season of proactive prayer.
    Isn't it funny (and yet so tragic) how we will do anything to avoid serious prayer time or an intimate friendship?  The truth is that a lot of folks who are in need of special friends are in messy situations that we prefer to handle from the safe distance of a "program".  We'd rather call some embarrassing individuals a "ministry" rather than claim them as our friends!  That is not the Lord's way!  He calls us His friends and we are surely needy and messy in His sight. Although, in hindsight, I now realize the error of my ways (and of the church's leadership for that matter), there was an assignment during that time I am convinced was truly from the Lord.  The church was in need of a cleaning lady and I was in need of some cash.  I scrubbed the church's toilets.

     In addition to learning that the "best" man (or woman) for the job from our perspective isn't always God's choice, I obviously had to learn first and foremost that a teacher must be humble.  If I had presumed I had been qualified before, I was even more presumptuous after reading the Bible a few times and completing numerous discipleship courses.  My faithful Teacher pressed on, however, instructing me and humbling me until I was afraid to teach anyone. Then, and only then, He decided, was I finally trustworthy to do some teaching (like, uh, homeschooling my own children and writing some articles every few months on a couple of blogs - with few followers!) Someday, I am hoping I can also be trusted with that athletic body again too, but I digress............

    In the Book of Genesis, Jacob had an encounter with the Lord and he was never the same.  His name was changed and his walk was changed.  The Lord has a way of doing that with His learners.  He transforms that strut into a limp.  The limp slows you down, makes you tremble, and makes you think.  You stop blurting and become more thoughtful.  My limp?  It started literally on the day of that training run and continues to this day.  The Lord blessed me with five, beautiful, dynamic children with the same sinful nature that I have to show me how annoying I can be  - and yet, still lovable.
   In addition to the new lifestyle and attitude, I lost that focus on myself. Perfect body? Hahahahahahahahaha!  The body went when the knees did. A fall and a twisted ankle last year gave me another literal and occasional limp. Manicured nails?  I'm lucky I get a bath and my clothes on right-side out! Nope, people don't admire me because I'm cute and dynamic anymore. My students don't adore me quite like the former ones did. No one wants to talk to me and pat me on the back after a lesson.  My glory has faded so Another's may come forth.  If it hadn't been for the Lord and aging, I would have stayed on that fast track, and I would have been a doomed and dangerous woman - and on the wrong team to boot.

Ah, the tongue.  That was what James was referring to when he wrote that verse above.  We are so full of advice and so quick to give it, but beware! The Lord is The Shepherd and He jealously guards His flock.  Be careful before you give that counsel and that instruction.  Is it Scriptural?  Is it from the Lord, or are you shooting from the hip, just citing your personal experience and trying to lead without even being asked?

And yet.

Don't bury that talent or you'll be thrown into outer darkness.
Don't hide that light under a bushel.

What is one to do?

Yes, keep your feet at home, my dear sister, but you must also consistently sit at the feet of the Master so He can teach you how and when to share the treasures He shows you with others.

If you begin to lose that limp and stop trembling, pray until you get it back. Teach your children the fear of the Lord and that teaching is serious business. Whether the teaching is academic or spiritual - you are leading His little flock. Remember, if He hands you a staff and calls you to teach His children or women, you'd better make sure you show up for His teacher's meetings!

Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:19

Teaching Our Children How To Teach Series Part I: Keeping Your Feet at Home

The Great Commission:  Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.  Amen. (Matthew 28: 19-20)

Men: ....and the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. (II Timothy 2:2)

Women: ....the older women likewise, that they be...teachers of good things-that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed 

(Titus 2:3-5).

Our Lord is The Teacher and we are to be conformed more and more into His image.  

Mothers, how can we nurture Biblical teaching skills in our children so we can more effectively build the Kingdom of God and foster generations of literate, even brilliant, future believers who can replicate themselves?

A few, random, but real life pictures I snapped one day of the various ways my children are learning to teach.

My eighteen year old, Hayden, (here with a head cold!) grades the American History papers she assigned to her fourteen and sixteen year old siblings.  She is also responsible for teaching them American Literature this year.

                   
 Hayden goes over an assignment with her fourteen year old brother, Harrison.

Hayden, as well as her sister, Emily, have been learning how to teach reading skills.  Hayden works with her eight year old brother, Joseph, on his Language workbook assignment.

Harrison quizzes Joseph on his spelling words.  Although Harrison may not be the primary homeschooling parent one day, he will be expected to do this........

......lead and teach his family through devotionals and Bible study.  Here my husband, Scott, prepares before we meet for our daily family Bible reading/discussion.  My sons will also need this skill if they are to be qualified for church leadership (I Timothy 3:2).

Topic 1

Keeping Your Feet at Home (Proverbs 7:11)

     Throughout the Scriptures, a reader can find numerous accounts of families where a man of faith brings forth children who lack his integrity, excellence, and obedient ways.  It happened to Noah, Abraham, Samuel, David, numerous kings, and Job, just to name a few.  The Bible commands us to teach and train our children.  I want my children to love and serve the Lord all the days of their lives, but I also want my grandchildren and great grandchildren to serve the Lord as well! This desire led me to the conclusion that I must not only teach my children the basics, but I must also teach them how to teach others.  Some day, if the Lord tarries, my children will be expected to train up their own children - one of the most important responsibilities the Lord has given them.  I can't neglect to ensure that my children are equipped to teach and train the next generation of believers!

    As a Christian woman, I am expected to eventually mature enough spiritually to teach children and other women.  As a mother, my primary teaching responsibility goes to my own children.  The Bible warns women of our fallen nature and weaknesses:

1. We desire our husband's position. (Genesis 3:16)

2. We are more easily deceived than men (I Timothy 2:14)

3. In I Timothy 5:11, Paul warns the church against financially supporting young widows. He writes that their desires will inevitably lead them astray - even wanton against Christ.  He states that they have tendencies to be idle, to wander from house to house, become gossips and busybodies, and say things they ought not.  Paul's solution?  Let the young widows marry, have children, and manage the house.  Why? To give the adversary no opportunity to speak reproachfully.  Is this only a risk for young widows?  No.  This is a risk for all young women.  The healthy yoke of a busy, well run home protects them.  If you are convinced that you are immune to these tendencies, go back and read number two.

As for the men?  Well, they have sinful tendencies of their own, but I am not writing to them.  

   None of us are immune to stumbling and we must be vigilant and remain in the realm we have been given.  In God's great wisdom, He has decided that the best place for a woman to be conformed into the image of His Son is in the home serving a husband and children.  Can you think of a better place besides missionary work to deny yourself, serve others in a sacrificial manner, and to develop the fruit of the Spirit?  We must embrace this assignment and stop running away from it.  A good soldier never leaves her post!

   As a Christian mother who sincerely believes that homeschooling is truly the best option for her children, I have been saddened by the trends I am seeing in my own homeschooling community:  placing children back into the school system for financial reasons or simply out of frustration, becoming more and more dependent on co-ops and support groups, and running around so much that school is rushed, disorganized, and unfruitful.  I do not want my future, homeschooling daughters to fall into these traps!

    A couple of years ago my husband lost his job.  You know, it never even occurred to me to put my kids into public school and go back to my career.  That was simply not an option.  The souls of my children were not worth risking. We lost our home - but not our kids.  God came through and placed us into an even better home and my husband into an even better job.  We survived and what was truly the most important to us remained.

    I have participated in co-ops and believe they can be a great service.  If you don't speak French, for example, and your child desires this language credit, a course is a wonderful opportunity.  Be aware, however, that relinquishing all subject areas is no longer homeschooling your children.  That is private schooling.  I was deeply convicted of allowing my children to participate in classes taught by other homeschooling mothers knowing that I was contributing to something I believed was destructive to their own homes. If I believe mothers need to spend more time at home, then I shouldn't be taking advantage of the ones who haven't discovered that yet.

    Some women feel bored and restless after being home all week.  Well, our husbands have to be at work all week, but they're not allowed to abandon their posts.  It is common to feel bored and restless anywhere, but the home is not the culprit.  It is the attitude. Make your home a lovely, interesting place and you won't feel this way!

     When I taught public school, I wouldn't have dared to hang on the phone, spend hours on the computer, and leave to run errands while I was on duty.  I was expected to show up on time, have plans for the day, keep a clean, well-organized classroom, manage records, and do more than just "give assignments".  I was there to teach and teach well.  I would have been fired for anything less.  Should the world have higher standards than the servants of God?  Are the children of strangers worthy of better attention than my own?

      How does "keeping my feet at home" teach my children how to teach?  I obviously do not stay home alone.  My children are with me.  Many young people today don't keep their feet at home either. Everybody is running around, "going to and fro" (Daniel 12:4). My children, especially my daughters, must learn to be content to stay put.  If they do not learn to do this, they will be more likely to embrace our world's overstimulated, selfish ways and flee their homes and children when it is their turn to train.  When I stay home and stay focused, I am modeling to my children the first principle of good teaching that the Lord demonstrates to us daily; a commitment.  I am saying, "I love you and you are worthy of my time and best effort.  I am here to take care of you.  You are more important to Mommy and Daddy than money and my selfish desires for attention, accolades, and "me time".   I am here to help you. Our school time is important to me.  I am not going to farm it off onto somebody else because I don't feel like doing it myself.  If I seek another to mentor you, it is because I have prayerfully sought the Lord for someone better equipped in this particular area.  I embrace you as my responsibility and I do not resent it.  I am training you for a kingdom, precious child of God, and you are my sweet offering to the Lord."

~Jennifer

   

   

   

A Voice Crying In The Wilderness

     Several weeks ago I awakened after having a disturbing dream.  This dream was followed by two more dreams and I am convinced they are from the Lord.  I sincerely believe that I have a responsibility to share these with you. 
     In the first dream, I was staying in a villa by the ocean.  I walked outside to the shore and suddenly saw the ocean rapidly pull back a mighty distance.  I thought to myself, "This is going to be an enormous tsunami.  I have to warn people!"  I suddenly noticed that there were these incredible rock formations that had been under the sea.  The landscape looked like a sculpted desert in colors of orange and brown.  It went on for miles.  I saw people in the distance walking through the formations in fascination.  I suddenly remembered that a great tsunami was coming and I ran inside the villa.
     I can't remember everything that I began to do; all I know was that I became distracted and busy and forgot about the tsunami again.  I seemed to be alone in this villa. When I remembered, I looked up at my window and saw a wall of water looming over the villa.  It was too late.  I realized that I was going to die and prayed that it would happen quickly.  I wondered how painful it would be to not be able to breathe under all that water.  Suddenly, I found myself in what looked like a waiting room.  There were televisions all around the room and others were watching to see what became of the earth.  I asked someone, "How many are left on the earth?"  Someone said, "Only twenty now."  And then I woke up.
     As I lay in my bed, I began to tremble.  We are commanded in Scripture not to believe every spirit, not to believe every dream.  Over the years, I have become better at discerning when I am being attacked by the enemy and when the Lord is trying to get my attention.  I tried to remember the details of the dream.  As I prayed to the Lord for discernment, the Scripture from Joel came to my mind as quoted in the Book of Acts:

 'And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God,
That I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters will prophesy,
Your young men shall see visions,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
And on My menservants and on My maidservants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days;
And they shall prophesy.
I will show wonders in Heaven above
And signs in the earth beneath:
Blood and fire and vapor of smoke.
The sun shall be turned into darkness,
And the moon into blood,
Before the great and awesome day of the Lord.
And it shall come to pass
That whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.'
Acts 2:17-21

    According to Peter (and the Holy Spirit), the last days had already begun by that day at Pentecost and it continues to this day - ever increasing as we draw closer to the return of Christ.  As these verses ran through my mind, my trembling increased and I slid off the bed to my knees, grabbed my prayer shawl, and began to pray.  I took the dream personally.  Was I too busy to warn others of the coming of Christ?  Was the Lord warning me that I would be caught unprepared by a great wave of tribulation because I wasn't paying enough attention?
    It troubled me and I continued to pray about it.  I shared my dream with a trusted and insightful friend.  She told me that I wasn't the only one who had dreamed of a great tsunami.  She sent me a Youtube video of another woman who was describing a similar type dream, but this woman had made it to higher ground.  I did not.
    Youtube is a wonderful way for God's people to share what the Holy Spirit is revealing to us as a body of believers and can unite us - but for every true and sincere video from the Lord, there are hundreds of misleading ones.  My friend and I agreed that this particular one was from the Lord and I continued to pray for more insight.  I found it interesting that this woman and I both found ourselves in temporary locations.  She was in a hotel in her dream and I was in a villa.  We have to remember that earth and even our bodies are not our real homes.  It makes perfect sense that these things would be represented by a hotel or another temporary dwelling.  I've attached two of her videos at the end of this post. 
     I got busy again.  Now when I state that I got busy, that does not mean that I was not being faithful to the Lord.  I continued to read my Bible daily, attended church twice a week, and prayed with my family and by myself.  I continually sought to walk in holiness the best I could and repented frequently.  I do not say this to boast, but to remind us all that we must beware we think we stand, lest we fall.  We must remain humble and strive to grow no matter where we are.  When I say I got busy, it means that I began to lose my sense of urgency to share the Gospel.  I began to forget the small amount of time that we have here and that many, many people are in great danger of being lost forever.  I felt safe (which is a good thing), but this made me stumble.
      A few weeks later, I had another disturbing dream.  This time I was in a house on the marsh.  There weren't a lot of properties around and I thought that I was on some type of island like James Island or Johns Island here in South Carolina.  I was standing outside and looking toward the water.  I suddenly became aware that a great storm was coming, but the water seemed calm and at rest.  The sky looked clear.  I decided to go into the house and prepare to flee to higher ground.  The house seemed dark.  As I walked from room to room, I knew that there would be nothing left of my house when the storm was over and that I needed to grab whatever I could.  The rooms seemed to be quite messy and I struggled to find anything valuable.  I found a homeschooling textbook in the middle of the floor and grabbed it.  I decided I had better look out the window to check the weather, but when I looked up toward the window, the shutters slammed shut and blocked my view.  There seemed to be a man next to me and I knew he was responsible for closing the shutters, but I didn't feel particularly threatened by him. 
      I ran outside to put the textbook in the car.  To my great relief, I saw that the water seemed calm and unchanged.  When I turned around, though, I was terrified to discover that water had begun to creep up onto the property and puddle onto the only road to higher ground behind me.  I began to yell to my husband and children that they needed to get into the car.  I heard their voices, but I couldn't see them anywhere.  Suddenly, what seemed like dozens of cars pulled up right in front of me and a person I used to teach with many years ago got out of her car and said, "Jennifer, why are you still here?!  Don't you know a storm is coming?"  I said, "I know, I know!  We're leaving now!"
     The cars disappeared and I began to feel despair when I realized that the road was now completely covered.  I thought I saw a boat-like structure in the distance and waded to it, but when I touched it, it turned to reeds.  I got back to the house as soon as I could and grabbed a phone.  I started to call the police, but then remembered 911.  I felt a great sense of relief, but when I dialed it, I got their voicemail.  I left a desperate message and then found myself on the roof of the house surrounded by water. 
     I saw my children playing dangerously close to the edge of the roof.  I saw a woman in the distance I recognized from a former church stranded in the same situation that I was in. I didn't know where my husband was, but it was only then, when it was way too late, that my children suddenly realized that something was wrong.  They were younger in the dream and began to bicker in their panic.  I grabbed my daughter, Emily, and when I did, she became an infant in my arms.  I tried to pray for the Lord to take us quickly, but it was so hard because of all the noise and bickering.  Then I woke up.
    Once again I found myself trembling in the darkness in the wee hours of the morning.  I was scared now.  What did this mean?  The dream seemed less personal now.  It seemed like more of a message than a rebuke, but what was I to do with it?  As I lay there, the danger seemed so real, so close, that I expected a river of water to wildly course through my neighborhood at any moment.  I cried out to the Lord in my heart, "Lord, PLEASE tell me how to get to higher ground!  I know you're warning me, but I don't understand!"
    I don't know how to describe what happened, but it has happened before.  Although I was fully aware of everything around me, I was also aware of the presence of the Lord standing next to my bed.  To someone watching me, I would have climbed off my bed, taken my prayer shawl, and gotten on my knees; but what was happening in my mind was totally different.  The Lord gently took me by the arm and pulled me from my bed.  He walked me to the foot of it and I knew what He wanted me to do.  I removed my prayer shawl from my desk drawer and put it over my head.  I felt Him place His hand upon my shoulder and lead me to the floor to my knees.  He stated simply, "This is how you get to higher ground."  He then bent down next to me.  His presence was so real.  He felt so close I could practically feel His breath on my neck.  He simply whispered gently, but firmly, "Do you hear Me now, Jennifer?"  All I could do was nod.
    I knew then that although I had been praying and walking with the Lord, He was wanting more from me now.  I had not been praying with enough direction, enough passion.  I was privileged to receive revelations from Him, but what was I doing with it?  How was I to pray now?  I began to pray in tongues because I simply didn't know what else to do.  I suddenly looked up and saw my husband in the moonlight sleeping and I knew I was praying for him.  I heard the Lord tell me He was going to "wake him up" and I knew this meant that a new passion and direction was going to come upon my husband for Jesus.  When I asked the Lord if He wanted me to tell my husband what I prayed, He simply stated, "Yes, but I shall be the One who wakes him."  I then realized that even though I would tell my husband everything, that that would not be what would awaken him to a revitalized call.  It would be something personal between he and the Lord and I had to respect that. 
      I know that the Lord does not want me to leave my post as a stay at home wife and mother because that would contradict what God's Word commands me to do.  I knew that even though I was home, however, I could still make a difference.  I have this blog.  I have a voice.  I could cry in the wilderness in my own little way like John the Baptist.  I planned to make an entry on this blog as soon as possible.  But then my life got a little crazy.  My son had a medical procedure on his toes and couldn't walk for several days, kids got sick, and errands seemed to multiply out of nowhere.  Exhausted one night, I fell into bed and grabbed the remote while waiting for my husband to come home from work.  I don't watch much television, but a program began about the tsunami that had hit Japan a year ago.  Several individuals were being interviewed (with translation) and their personal accounts as well as dramatic footage were played before me on the screen.
     Once again I seemed to find myself in an unusual place.  I was watching the program, but also became keenly aware of a great analogy the Lord wanted me to see.  I saw individuals obliviously driving along as water began to creep up alongside them only to sweep them away in a torrent of water.  I saw a man trying to run with what looked like a television set as water outran him down the street.  "Why wouldn't he let the thing go?" I wondered.  Person after person greatly underestimated the devastation that would come and lingered too long to get to higher ground.  In one moving account, a fireman delayed warning people because he just didn't think it was going to get that bad.  He blamed himself for the loss of life in his area.  Those on higher ground helplessly watched people below become quickly overwhelmed by the surging flood.  People were screaming at those below to "Hurry!", but the ones on lower ground simply couldn't see what was coming and lacked the urgency needed to make it.  It was only when the water came upon them and it was too late that they realized the seriousness of the danger.
      I was convinced. "I've got to write that blog entry!"  I went to church this past Wednesday night and one of my prayers was that the Lord would use our church members as His laborers and make appointments for us to share the Gospel.  Early the next morning I had another dream.
  This time I was in a skyscraper in what looked like New York City.  I looked out the window and saw that it was beginning to rain.  As I looked out the window, I wondered how bad it was going to get.  "Is this going to be the bad one?"  I thought of my children and knew they were somewhere in the large building, but I didn't think they were in danger at that point. 
     I don't remember what I started doing, but once again I got busy.  It seemed like only a few minutes later that I looked out the window again.  The rain was getting harder and cars were driving with their windshield wipers frantically whipping across their windshields.  I tried to discern if it was bad enough to leave, but I was so high up, it was hard to tell.  I left the window again.  I can't remember what I was doing between my visits to the window.  All I know was that it seemed to be brief periods of time when I would check the level of danger.  The next time I looked out the window, I could no longer see cars on the road.  My view zoomed in closer to where the road used to be and the water was filthy.  I saw a toilet paper roll floating on the top of the water and thought to myself, "Uh oh, the sewage system is overcome.  The city is too flooded for us to get out now."  Although I was high up in the building, I did not feel safe.  I knew the foundation could not hold up if the water got much higher.  I grabbed the phone and tried to call my mom.  When she answered, I told her to call 911.  As I looked out the window, I saw what I feared would happen.  Another skyscraper in the distance began to collapse into the water.  Before I could finish speaking to my mother, I felt the building I was in begin to go down.  I thought of my children as I fell through the floors.  Suddenly, I felt great power come upon me.  I thought of superman as I began to fly with great strength upward through the floors of the building.  I remembered the people in the first building I saw go down.  I knew that they were under an unbelievable amount of rubble and  water.  Even with superpowers, I felt that it would be futile to rescue any of them.  Then I remembered my children.  They too, were under a great deal of rubble and water, but because they were my children, I was willing to try.  Then I woke up.  I thought about how people who were strangers to me, were very possibly children to God; and that He wanted to rescue them no matter how much rubble they were under - no matter how futile it seemed.  In a crisis, individuals call on the ones they've always called on: their mothers, 911, even friends.  Joel states in the Scripture I wrote above, that whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.  If you don't learn to cry out to Him now, you won't think to do it in a state of panic either. 
     It was five o'clock in the morning and I was paralyzed with indecision.  After this dream, I didn't know whether to wake up my husband to pray with me or to get on the computer and begin typing this blog.  I began to pray.  What was I waiting for?  I knew what all this meant now.  For me, I could see that my hesitation to warn others would eventually leave me feeling like that fireman who hesitated to shout the warning.  As soon as I sat down to the computer to type, my husband woke up.  I shared my dream with him.  I told him I was in disobedience and that the Lord was still being very gentle with me, but that I really didn't want any more of these dreams and that I was going to have to make time to be faithful to cry out in the wilderness even if I had to do it at five in the morning.  My wonderful husband prayed with me - and I love how he always so thoughtfully pauses before he begins to speak to the Lord on my behalf.  He then encouraged me to write this and suggested that I write in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed and while I wait for him.  So here I am.  The kids are in bed and FINALLY - I get to share the message.  What is the message?
                     GET TO HIGHER GROUND NOW.  By the time it looks bad, it will be too late.  Higher ground does not mean that you necessarily need to move to the mountains.  It means that you need to get on your knees now and pray.  Pray like your life depends on it and continue to pray that way. If you are not saved and in an obedient relationship with Jesus Christ, you will surely go to hell when you die.  If you are saved and are wasting time, you will be ashamed in His presence for being a poor steward and for being responsible for the eternal lives of others you made excuses not to warn in time.  If you don't know if you are saved, you'd better find out.  Where are your kids spiritually?  Your spouse?  Pray for their salvation and growth now.  Are you training them or are they on their own? Pray for unity.  You must know the Word of God in order to be able to discern between true and false teaching.  You can't know the Word of God if you don't read it for yourself.  False teaching is everywhere.  God has a plan for you and you need to know what it is. Expect to be tempted with busyness.  Resist it.  PLEASE SEEK HIM AND JOIN YOUR VOICE WITH MINE.  The Youtube videos my friend sent me are below.  I do not know this person, but I was taken aback by the similarity of our dreams and leadings.

But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.  For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and did not know until the flood came and took them all away, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.  Matthew 24:38-39

~Jennifer

Living the Parable of the Wedding Feast

About the year 2000
Aren't they cute?
My princesses and brides to be.........

     See the little one on the left?  That is my Emily.  She is about two or three in this picture. I want to take you back to a significant day for both of us when she was about that age.  She has graciously allowed me to share the following circumstances in hopes that it will somehow edify you, as well, Dear Reader........
     My husband and I were leaving the neighborhood with these two little cherubs in the back seat when we heard a blood curdling howl.  It was Hayden, the one on the right side in our picture from the past.  I quickly turned around to find my oldest holding her nose and crying, while the little stinker in the carseat stared unremorsefully ahead.  "She bit my nose!"  Yes, Emily had bitten her. Hard.
    Biting.  This was a new, lovely, little habit she had learned from a buddy in the church nursery.  We had been trying for several weeks to rid Emily of this habit, but she had been finding it extremely effective in managing her sister and the temptation was apparently too great to resist.  I'll save my opinions about church nurseries for another time.......
    Scott and I looked at each other.  We had had enough.  He turned the car around and pulled back into the driveway.  "Come on, Emily."  He gently removed her from her carseat.  He walked her to the front porch and told her to wave good-bye as I took my place in the driver's seat and left with Hayden to the birthday party.  I'll never forget the look on Emily's face as we pulled out of the driveway.  She was stunned (so was Hayden for that matter).  Tears ran down her face as she expressed her first symptom of remorse - but it was too late.
   I felt sick as I drove down Dorchester Road.  I fought tears of my own.  It was then I heard the Still, Small Voice.
"How do you feel, Jennifer Wand?"
"I feel sick, Lord!"
"Remember this feeling."
"Lord?"
".......The great sadness you feel when you must leave someone behind.  I have no desire to feel it either."
I suddenly thought of the parable of the ten virgins from Matthew 25:1-13:

                       Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.  Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish.  Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.  But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept.  And at midnight a cry was heard:  "Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!"  Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps.  And the foolish said to the wise, "Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out."  But the wise  answered, saying, "No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves."  And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut.  Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, "Lord, Lord, open to us!"  But He answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you."  Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.

 Emily never bit anyone again.

     I realized that there was a far more important "party" ahead in our future and that some would, like Emily in this case, be left behind.  Those left behind would suffer far more despair than waving good-bye on a porch and feeling regret for a few hours.  No, their grief would be on a far grander scale and last an eternity - in great contrast to the eternal rejoicing of the faithful saints.  The Lord continued,

"I have called you to move the lukewarm to greater heat." 

    I never forgot those words.  The Lord allowed me to feel a mere taste of the great sadness He feels when it is simply too late.  Since that time, in addition to serving Him as a mother, I am prodded by a burden to maintain my passion and to fan that of others.  When I lose that focus, He reminds me........

     What does it mean to keep your lamp trimmed with oil?  You can find Scripture after Scripture in the New Testament where the Lord Jesus warns His people to "abide in Me," to "build on the rock" and not "on the sand" by obeying Him and not just hearing Him.  He teaches of a wedding feast where those who were invited make excuses not to attend and the Host invites those society most despises - for they are willing to come and so are "found worthy" by their determined Host.  Jesus warns the Church of Laodicea (Revelation 3:14-22) that if they remain lukewarm, He will literally, "vomit them out My mouth".   A lack of passion makes Him feel sick.  You must maintain your first love of Him and stoke the fire of the faith you have been granted, lest you find you never belonged to Him in the first place.  Many believe that "the Coming of the Bridegroom" only refers to His Second Coming.  Dear Friend, your life is but a vapor.  He could "come for you" at any time through death and not find you ready.  Stop sinning, abide, and obey.

Several years later
Aren't they beautiful?
This time Emily is the one on the right.  Hayden's nose has recovered nicely.

  There was a little girl, who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead,

And when she was good, she was very very good,

But when she was bad she was horrid.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow     

     Emily, Emily, Emily.  Fast forward to December 2011.  I think it was about laundry.  The last thing I had heard was a "Yes, Ma'am" that sounded about as sincere as spitting and hit me like machine gun fire.  Cinderella was about to stay home from the ball.  She was warned.  But, alas, the tongue was on a roller coaster it could not get off.  When the smoke cleared, Emily was told she would not be attending the drama club party.  Drama Club.  Her first year.  She had received the role she had desired.  Ironically, it was as the sweet and submissive Jane from Pride and Prejudice. And now they were getting together for a Christmas shindig.  On the beach.  The entire family was attending.  Except, now, for Emily.  Within thirty minutes, she was in my arms, apologizing.  I forgave her, but I didn't want it to happen again.  The restriction would stand.

     We were an hour away from leaving for the party and I was driving alone to run a quick errand with tears streaming down my face.  I was taken back eleven years when my little girl was left on a front porch sobbing and holding her daddy's hand.  This time it would be different.  She would be alone.  We would be gone seven hours including the drive.  I had counted.  She had been amazing that morning.  The house was immaculate.  She had been as kind as Snow White to every last sibling and had graciously answered me consistently with a devoted and sincere "Yes, Ma'am".

      I thought of King Saul and Samuel (1 Samuel 15:22-23).

Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord?  Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.  For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.

     Emily had been making "offerings" all morning in hopes I would let her go.  She had not asked me to change my mind.  But I was definitely conflicted.  I wanted this rebellious behavior to change.  This child had a stubborn streak that served her as a great strength as well as a great weakness.  It was, I humbly noted, like looking into a mirror.  Had I been too rash?  Was she being punished because she had offended me - or - because she had sinned against God?  Where was my heart in this matter?  Was I like Haman - infuriated because Mordecai would not bow to me?  A little, perhaps.  But, my anger toward Emily had passed as quickly as it had flared.  Yes, I was offended by her disrespect and lack of submission - but now it was replaced by fear for her soul.  Twice she had now been used as an example of one being left behind.  Would her stubbornness be her undoing?  Sure, she was as sweet as honey now, but would it survive future testing?

"Please, Dear Lord, I want her to go to the party!  Please make a loophole!"

"Have mercy on her, Jennifer", came the reply.
I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

     I returned home from my errand and everyone was getting ready to climb into the van.  Emily sat meekly in the family room and still had not asked me to change my mind.  Was she trying desperately to trust the Lord and remain silent or was she still being stubborn?  No, her behavior that morning had demonstrated to me that she was desperately trying to be good.  "Please ask me!" I thought to myself.  Somehow, I knew that that would be my signal.  I was standing in the kitchen when she finally confronted me with tears in her eyes.  "Please let me go, Mama."

    I burst into tears and told her everything I have told you.  I shared my fear for her and that if she could not learn to submit even when things seemed unfair, that she would not only be unfit for an earthly husband - but a Heavenly One as well.  I told her that though I knew we were all struggling sinners, she must at least try to walk as much like Christ as she possibly could.  I reminded her that one day it would be too late and that even Mama would not be able to open the door for her once it was shut.  I also reminded her that there would be other parties and that if mercy didn't work this time, there would not be any next time.

     Emily went to the party.  She has not "bitten me" since that day and I pray she will continue to walk in the great sweetness of which she is so capable.  The change I have seen in her is also evident to me through her humble willingness to share our story in hopes that it will help others.  Though punishment of our children is Scriptural and effective - and even merciful, I have also learned there are times when forebearance is even more powerful: 

"Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.  But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."  Luke 7:47

    Hopefully, Emily will be grateful toward the Lord for His forgiveness and for allowing me to let her go to the party.  I pray she will continue to grow in her love for Him; and in so doing, strive harder to walk in obedience to his Word.  As for me?  I was disciplined that day.  I had grown sloppy in my call to stimulate more passion in those in danger of growing lukewarm.  The Lord allowed me to experience the pain of leaving someone behind again to remind me of His feelings toward his distracted children who are in danger of missing the greatest celebration of all.  As for parenting, I have learned that I must seek the Lord's will constantly to lead my children through each new circumstance because I simply cannot navigate wisely without Him. 

    I am reminded of something my pastor said once that really made an impression on me.  He referred to Matthew 16:24 where Christ tells His disciples to "Take up his cross and follow Him."  Our pastor said it would be akin today as saying, "Pick up your electric chair and follow Me."  As I meditated on this, I was suddenly reminded that the cross was a form of execution for criminals.  I am commanded to discipline myself as a criminal.  I cannot trust myself.  I must remember that I am not a pure innocent nobly picking up an undeserving burden like Jesus.  I must recognize that my heart can be desperately wicked and selfish and that I truly do not deserve to go to an eternal celestial party as a child of The Great King.  From a Holy God's perspective, I really do deserve the electric chair.  Instead of exalting myself by thinking I'm not as bad as so and so, I am told to be like the tax collector and beat my breast and exclaim, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" (Luke18:13)
    This recognition could make me despair or even abuse myself in self-hatred.  But God calls me to peace and only requires that I worship Him with deep gratitude.  I am so blessed to have been granted the great "loophole" to allow me to go to The Party:  His Mercy.  This mercy led to a sacrifice beyond my comprehension.  The least I can do is try harder.  One's failure to love Christ much through obedience means he simply does not know Christ at all.  May my daughter and I never forget that.  And thank you, Darling Emily, for letting me share our story.  May God be glorified through our stumblings as well as our glories.



My seventeen year old, Hayden, at the drama party
(She will portray the hilarious Mrs. Bennet)

 My almost fifteen year old overcomer, Emily was there too!
(She will portray the sweet and lovely Jane)

    

The Princess and the Cross

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.  For each one shall bear his own load.  Galatians 6:2-5

    The first word burdens in the Greek is baros and is used figuratively for weight, load, abundance, or authority.
    The second word load or burden in the Greek is phortion (for-tee-on) which means an invoice (as part of a freight), a task or service.  It looks like "portion", but believe it or not, it is more similar in word form to the word "fortunate".
    The King James version repeats the same word in these verses:  "Bear one another's burdens.......each one shall bear his own burden"..... Sounds contradictory, doesn't it?
    Several years ago I had read my first issue of Voice of the Martyrs magazine.  After reading article after article about persecuted Christians around the world, I was grieved and ashamed about the simplicity of my own life.  I could not imagine my children being ripped from my arms, witnessing the murder of someone as close as a spouse or child, being denied by family, or experiencing the pain of physical torture as an attempt to force me to deny my faith.  I sat on my couch with the magazine clung to my chest, tears running down my face, and cried out to the Lord with a visual.
    I imagined a long line of Christians.  They were wearing torn and filthy clothing and were bruised and bloodied.  As I stood in this line, I imagined that both the persons in front and behind me and all those before and after them were greatly burdened with huge, wooden crosses.  They were hunched over and groaning and could barely shuffle along as we traveled.  I showed the Lord this line and then gestured to myself as I stood in it.  There I was, clean, upright, and strong.  I was wearing a beautiful, long, pink, princess gown and the only cross to be found was a shiny little necklace around my neck. 
"Oh, Lord!  Why do all these wonderful people have such horrible crosses and all I have is this little one?" 
He answered,
"Jennifer, if everyone had such crosses, who could help the others carry theirs?" 
  He then showed a visual of me in the line running to the person ahead of me and assisting with his cross.  I eased his burden and began to see relief on his face.  He was strengthened and able to go on.  I then ran to the person behind me and did the same.  There were so many people to help!  I knew that my dress would get soiled and sweat was sure to break out on my delicate princess forehead from such labor, but I couldn't bear to watch their suffering while my hands were free.  But even though the task of helping so many seemed so great, I was still overwhelmed at my easy lot compared to theirs. 
"Lord, how can I live like this?  How can I bear to be so adorned and blessed while others around me are so weary, burdened, and persecuted for Christ?"
He answered simply,
"That is your cross to bear." 
   Our Lord is a just God and as I grew in Christ, I realized that although I may have had a season of free hands, there would be times when I, too, would feel an overwhelming cross upon my back.
   To my relief, brothers and sisters in Christ ran to my rescue and eased the burden.  I have been lifted with encouraging words, common experiences, timely verses, much needed hugs, much needed checks, groceries and food delivered to my door, and a mighty caravan of Christians moving us from one home to another.  How comforting to have kind and gentle eyes look into yours and a voice that simply says, "I've been there too."  Most of the time, the lifting came with the realization that I was doing so well in spite of my circumstances because my brethren were praying for me.  Yes, I knew they were praying because there was simply no way I could have made it in my own strength.
   These experiences have also taught me that when I do occasionally find myself as the "princess", I must pay attention to those around me so I can even recognize when someone has an overwhelming cross.  This means I must look into the lives of others, ask sincere questions, study faces, build trust, and know my brethren well. The enemy will often try hard to preoccupy me with the busyness of my own life so that I am so insensitive to the Holy Spirit, the Lord has to fling a big cross on my back just to get my attention.  No bit and bridle for me, thank you.  I'd rather abide, listen to that Still, Small Voice and walk accordingly.  I must also be willing to roll up my sleeves and take action. 
   Does the Lord actually want me to inconvenience myself, soil my pretty dress, and do something physical like clean this person's home, babysit her four or more children, hold her hand at a funeral, go with her to chemotherapy, cook a meal, or give away my last ten bucks?  Yep.  Remember, faith without works is dead.  A pretty, perfect looking princess is no princess at all in His kingdom.  His princesses are more like Cinderella.  Serve your brethren without complaining and you get to live happily ever after with The Prince.  I don't ask if I should pray anymore.  That, I have learned, is a very silly question. 
   Does the Lord want my children to eat bowls of cereal for dinner each night while I deliver gourmet style casseroles to all the widows?  Does He want me to leave my husband alone with five children three nights a week while I engage in various "ministries"?  Does he expect me to forsake marriage, laundry, homeschooling, and personal hygiene so that I might leave for a six week mission trip with my more spiritually minded girlfriends?  Uh, no.  Do not get carried away, my sister.  There may very well be times when you go without eating to help someone else, but don't allow Satan to pervert your enthusiasm and hurt your family.
   As for those seasons when I unexpectedly and suddenly discover that a large, overwhelming cross has been placed upon my own back, I have learned to humble myself and ask for help when I need it.  Even the Lord Jesus had help with His cross and I am certainly not better than He.  My cross shall always pale in comparison to His, but so, unfortunately, will my humility.  It is ridiculous to imagine walking around trying to act normal and pretend that everything is just hunky dory when there is a three hundred pound, splintering cross upon your back; but, my friends, our brethren do it all the time.  Those in leadership positions are especially vulnerable to this temptation. 
   It is unfortunate, but true, that others may judge us for having such crosses.  After all, we might have deserved them.  This is the thinking that has kept me and others from confessing a need for help in the past.  I can't let these people know I'm depressed.  I can't let these people know I'm broke, my marriage is shakey, my kids are rebellious, I am wrestling with a carnal sin, I don't have my act together....... it goes on and on.  That is the risk we must take for the sake of truth and recovery.  How we underestimate our brethren the way we underestimate our God!  I have witnessed pillars - men and women at whose feet I would be honored to sit - have their reputations besmirched and their hearts ripped out by lying tongues.  Some brethren may very well judge you, but keep in mind, honest friend, God is a just and faithful Father.  Some of your harshest critics have humbling crosses waiting for them right around the corner.  When that time comes, roll up your forgiving sleeves for them as well and bring glory to your God!
  Inevitably, the one trying to make the perfect impression crumbles under the weight and the feared humiliation finally washes over him.  Either he receives help and recovers from the stumble, or he runs away.  This is persecution?  How does this even compare with the sufferings of those abroad who are dying for their faith?  Born again Christians die for their faith everyday.  There are two kinds of dying for Jesus.  You can literally die as a martyr.  You can also die daily for Him while you live.  Pick up your cross and follow Me...... We all must die in order that we may truly live.  It is a waste of time to compare your destiny with those of others.  You must simply live your destiny well.
    There are obvious attacks against Christians through flesh and blood as Satan attempts to grieve and wound our precious Father who loves us to death.  I am also convinced, however, that many of our satanically orchestrated circumstances are a form of persecution as well.  This is a wearing down of God's people who think they are immune to oppression, because, after all, we live in a free country.......
    Jesus said that those who try to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus would be persecuted.  Period.  If He said it, it will happen.  Sometimes my circumstances are a true persecution event, other times they are simply a diversion to keep me too inwardly focused to care about anyone else.  While you are in the pit, it is always prudent to pray for others while you are praying for yourself.  It is truly a selfless and noble act and God honors it.  Don't forget that.
    Eventually, each one of us shall stand alone before the King of Kings and our "load" bearing will be examined. Did we help others with their loads?  Did we overcome ours - not because we were supermen and women, but because we were humble men and women who asked and received help?  In so doing, by the way, others may receive their rewards from the Lord for helping us.......
    We must bear each others burdens.  We must not be too proud to give help and we must not be too proud to receive it.  We are each personally responsible for our choices and priorities and will ultimately have to bear the load of our consequences or rewards alone when we have them evaluated before our Ultimate Example.  Yes, He gives much grace, but alas, He also gives much warning.

Toes And Teeth

     I was hopping up our stairs the other day in a pair of my favorite fuzzy flip flops, when the tip of my flip flop "flipped" on a stair and my big, left toe "flopped" in the opposite direction.  Then I "flopped" onto the landing thinking, "Oooo, this one's gonna hurt."  My toe is now UUUUGLY and I'm not sure if it is just sprained or fractured, so I've decided to keep it elevated and stay in my bed like a princess for a few days.  I try not to look at it because it is DISTURBING, so I keep it covered with a blankie like it's deceased or something.
     Meanwhile, my youngest has been struggling with his VERY FIRST loose tooth.  For some reason, the first wiggly tooth has been a bit traumatic for all my kids except for Harrison (kid number three).  Harrison yanks them out if they even THINK about getting wiggly in hopes of a cash reward.  We do not do the tooth fairy thing, but my husband has been known to slip a kid a dollar in celebration when this event does occur. 
    My memories of children and the loss of the FIRST tooth include much whining and vacillating of, "Please pull it out... wait!  No!  Don't do it!"  My oldest, who is ironically terrified of the dentist, has been pursuing Joseph with many various and sundry methods for tooth removal.  She has offered to tie it to just about anything as a physics experiment.  Her favorite idea is tying it to a toaster and flinging it out a window.  See six year old's eyes widen. (Uh, NOT HELPING, Hayden!)  Her ichy little fingers have been dying to yank the little treasure out.  "I just want to SEE it, Joey!"  Little head shakes "No". 
    I finally resorted to the method I used with child number four.  I offered to sneak into the patient's room while he is sleeping and pull it out.  This was very easy with Sammy because he sleeps like his father.  Total surrender - mouth wide open.  I simply went in, tugged, and the kid didn't even move.  Joey, however, sleeps LIKE HIS MOTHER: like a soldier surrounded by the enemy.  Any little noise opens my eyes and I faithfully keep my mouth clamped shut in case any kind of spider wants to journey down my esophagus (could happen!).  I don't think I ever completely let go.  Each time I hobbled into the room (toe injury, remember), and attempted to pull out the little rebel, Joey would clamp his teeth together and turn his head away in his sleep.  I must have tried a half a dozen times that first night.  My husband tried it early the next morning and had the same response.  I have never prayed so hard about a tooth!  "Please, Lord, don't let it bleed.  Please Lord, let it not be traumatic.  Please Lord, don't let him swallow it!"  I tried again last night to no avail. 
   This morning, I woke up with Joey snuggled in my arms and Hayden, my oldest daughter, standing over us.  "Hey Joey, did your tooth come out?"  Joey quickly pulled the blanket over his head and spoke to her from underneath,
"It is coming out TODAY." 
"WHAT did you say?  I can't understand you under there!"
Head pops out.  I SAID, (head goes back under blanket)  "It's coming out to....AUGH!!!!!! (head pops out) "It's out, it's out!"
Joey is grinning triumphantly with a little bitty speck of a tooth cradled in the palm of his hand.  "Momma, you're my HERO!"
Momma is confused.  "Whaaaa?"
"When I crawled into your bed, you hit my tooth with your elbow while you were sleeping and you made it DANGLE!"
I had to laugh and delight in the Lord's sense of humor.  "Joey!  The Lord pulled a fast one on us!  I couldn't sneak into your room and pull it out while YOU were sleeping, so He had you sneak into my room and had me pull it out while I was sleeping!" I've been smiling all morning.  The Lord even knows how to handle uptight, recovering control freaks like us: with humor and great gentleness.  How I love Him! 
   Joey and I actually have something in common with my toe and his tooth.  And it's the BEST!  BENDY STRAWS!  Wooo Hooo!  I keep the bendy straws in my big first aid bin.  They are USUALLY only used for bedridden occasions.  I promised Joey he could use one through his new gap once his tooth was out.  And I, of course, am bedridden so I get one too.  Bendy straws always make things better.
     Meanwhile, I shall continue to teach school from my new "control" center: the bed.  I sort of like folks bringing me my meals while my foot is up, but it IS pretty boring and I am beginning to think my little darlings may be taking advantage of my situation.  They keep disappearing and I think I heard some air hockey going on this morning.  "Hey!  Are you boys doing your math?!  Emily, where ARE you? Alright, everybody bring your stuff into Momma's room.  Whoa, watch the foot!"
    The most DANGEROUS result of my injury is watching waaay too much HGTV.  Anyone want her house redecorated?  Cuz I GOT IDEAS.......